Where I am right now

Foster care is hard sometimes. Falling more and more in love can be terrifying. All I want to know is that my foster child will always be safe and that her bed will never be empty, but I can't know the future. I just have to trust the one who does. "God isn't trying to make our lives easier, He's trying to make them more meaningful." #fosteryourheartout #fosterlove #fostermom

What a day

Yesterday we had to hand our babies to a stranger. It was not easy! Baby A had this worried look on her face the whole time. We pulled up bedside their truck in a local parking lot to make the transfer and even though I had tried to explain to little A what was going to happen I know her two year old mind simply didn't understand. I asked her if she would like to ride with them in their truck with baby J and she whispered yes but her brow was scrunched up and I could tell she was trying to figure out what was going on. We moved all the babies things out of my car and  into their truck then strapped her car seat in first and put her inside.. She just sat there clutching both her and her brothers teddy bears and watching my every move out of the truck window. Baby J was sleeping so I woke him up out of his sleep and gave him a great big snuggle. I'm going to miss him so much. Then I handed him to his new mom and got his car seat out as well. They strapped him in and stood and talked for a few minutes then we went our separate ways. I saw her still watching me from the back seat still hanging on to that teddy bear. All I can do is pray that God goes with them.

The sorrow of giving them back wasn't the only emotion we were feeling that day. We also had gotten a call from our agency about an hour before they left asking if we would be willing to take a placement for a newborn baby girl still in the hospital. Of course we said yes! We were excited and sad all in the same day. This is fostercare. As quickly as one child leaves the bed is needed for another. So many broken lives need touched.

Our babies

Where do I begin? A lot has happened since my last post. The foster process proceeded rather quickly and we are once again fostering! We turned down several placement calls at first,  then we received a call for two babies ages one and two and we said YES!!!

Life has been crazy busy! The babies have been here about two months. Some moments are hard but every moment is worth it. We have  already fallen in love with them. Fostering though is such a roller coaster and it looks like they may leave as suddenly as they came. There is a meeting this evening to determine if they will be moved to a relative placement back in their county or if they will stay here. We are trusting that God knows what's best and for his will to be done but at the same time we would love for them to stay with us! It's going to be hard if they go guys. I've heard people say they aren't sure if they could love another persons child but let me tell you this, you can! These precious little babies worked their way into our home and hearts and we will never be the same because of it. I'm so thankful we chose this journey and for now I will hold on to the fact that God knows their future. 

                                  

Life right now

Yesterday the kids school took place in regional competition! This is where schools meet together to compete against each other in multiple areas. Alex decided to compete in macro photography this year and they both competed in the schools choir. Looking forward to hearing what the final say of the judges were!! Between a two hour drive there yesterday, spending time with the hubby, doing my schoolwork (have I mentioned I went back to school?! Liberty Law!) all while being sick I am beat! Today and tomorrow I work and then foster care support group tomorrow evening...it's been a busy week! Oh and did I mention it's also finals week for me? Wouldn't have it any other way. Loving my family and thankful for his blessings!

Moving forward

My hubby and I have been taking the nessesary steps to open our home back up to fostercare. This past Wednesday we had our first homevisit together where our social worker came and discussed what we need to do to get the hubby licensed and children placed with us. I am still currently licensed so it actually looks like it's going to be a quick process this time around. Looking forward to taking placements again! Yesterday I went ahead and updated my Facebook to announce that we will be fostering and of course was met with the typical responses. As soon as I had hit "post" my inbox had messages in it asking why we don't want to have children of our own together. Which we do! People just don't get it.

Until God says stop

I never intended to foster. It wasn't in my plans. But somehow what started out as wanting to adopt turned into me one day taking that first phone call from CPS. They asked if I would take a little three year old girl, there was no other info other than she needed a home. So I said yes. It was 8:00 that night in January 2014 when they showed up on my door and I first became a foster mom. Two years later (after telling my husband all my foster stories and a recent phone call from my agency asking if I would consider adopting a baby) here I am again. My husband and I have decided to open our home back up to foster. I'm still licensed so it will be a quick process of just getting him some certifications and training and then I will once again be a foster mom. I couldn't be more excited!! Our lives sometimes go different paths than we originally plan. And it's perfect. So here we go again!! Until God says stop.

Where I stand with foster care

Foster care is still big on my heart. I did end up getting re-licensed as a single parent but didn't end up taking any long term placements. I ended up just doing a few respite placements instead. Which is still very important! Foster families need a break now and then! 

My kids both still love fostering as well and had a blast with these respite placements as they were all three a little older (between the ages of four and six). Right now we are once again not taking any placements due to the fact that I just got married and he is not yet licensed. But this is definitely something we are thinking about doing as a couple so I will keep you updated!!

I am so thankful for the days of fostering that I have had and one day soon hope to be doing it again. But no matter where I am in life I am choosing to enjoy every moment. Trying to take this time and enjoy more moments with my kids. They grow so fast! We are also hoping to add a new little baby to our lives one day soon.

We have dreams, we all do. But never forget to look at where you are, breathe, and Simply Live!

His promises are true

"God your God, will restore everything you lost; he'll have compassion on you; he'll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered." - Deuteronomy 30:3
That verse has been my prayer over my life for the past two and a half years, ever since my ex walked out and my life took a different path. I figured it's now time to update you guys on life, love and His promises! Life certainly doesn't always go as planned, it will throw us curve balls when we're least expecting it. But there is one thing that is always the same. His name is Jesus!
I would say 2014 was definitely one of those years in my life that didn't go as expected. My ex randomly came home one day and told me that the Christian, foster parent, church life he had been living was a lie and that he was actually an alcoholic, hated church, hated God, smoked, did drugs, etc. He began drinking even more after that day. I guess since he wasn't hiding it anymore he felt like he could openly display his lifestyle to me. He was coming home drunk and going to church the same way. I was fostering baby S at the time and was terrified as to whether or not I should contact my agency and inform them about what was going on. A few weeks later he became suicidal and began cutting as well. It was a live my nightmare being home with him. To make a long story ( that I really don't want to dwell on) short, he ended up being admitted in the hospital and upon discharge told me he wasn't coming home. Looking back now I can see how much I have changed. God knew what was best all along! I learned so much by becoming a single mom. I become bolder, more determined to prosper in life, I also learned who my real friends were. And most of all I learned to really depend on God.
And now for the part about how his promises are true! The Bible says that God is faithful to restore things in our lives that were lost. There may be times in our lives where it looks like the enemy is winning, but he isn't! God is in control of all things, and believe me when I say He knows what He is doing!! He works all things for good. I have seen it first hand in my life. When I began my life as a single parent He was right there. He provided everything I needed and even gave me some unexpected blessings. I wanted to share three of these great blessing with you guys!
1) He gave me a great job!!! I work as a private nanny and only have to work two days a week while making more than I was making by working everyday at a daycare. This means more time home with my family.
2) We found a great school for the kids! They go to a small private school with awesome teachers, great friends, and a great curriculum.
3) ( I saved the best for last) He sent me someone! Someone who loves me, loves God, protects me and the kids and is all together amazing! One of the things I love the most? He is GREAT with the kids. They love him so much which means the world to me. The best part is he asked me to be his wife and I said yes!!!!!!!!!

Officially Mrs. Rachel Brown!

This is just a small snapshot of His goodness and mercy in my life. I plan to get back on here and blog more often. I have so much more to share!
God Bless,
Rachel Brown