Friday, June 7, 2013

Why I miss him in June

I  miss him the most in June and August. August because that's when we lost him. On a hot August day the memories come back as thick as the humidity.

But in June I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because the first time either one of us were carried outside of that hospital for our first breath of fresh air, it was into the bright sunny days of June. We would spend June as kids outside playing in the junkyard, sitting on the porch swing, riding bikes, and playing with the neighbor kids.

 June is when I feel the most alive. To me the weather in June is perfect. In June I never wear shoes (unless it's an absolute must),  love working in the garden, and can't think of anything better then sitting in the passengers seat, windows down, feet on the dashboard, radio all the way up. And that reminds me of him.

 It was right around the end of May beginning of June that he bought that horrible motorcycle. I remember I had just gotten my little red convertible. We met at moms to show them off to each other. That bright yellow bike was loaded in the back of his truck.

 Another memory, his big red truck. Were at moms again, and he's showing it off.  He asked me if he could take me for a ride. I said yes. My last ride with my big brother.

Oh if we could only know what lies ahead.

I would have changed only one thing. I would have made it last just a little bit longer.

 He was so excited about his new toy, so proud to show it off. Men and trucks. He rolled down the windows cranked up the music and pulled out of the driveway. We rode down Double Church going Lord knows how fast. He would hit every hill with a little extra gas and give a scream as the truck would hit the air. Me with white knuckles. Ever since he started driving me that's how it was done. You just hang on to anything you can and hope for the best.  The whole time he would have a crazy smile on his face and would keep looking over. I think he was trying to judge just how close to terror I was and if he could possibly go a little faster.

 The radio was playing his most recent, favorite CD. Kenny Chesney greatest hits. I have that CD now and know what songs were played that day. He turned on the songs that he said were the best ones. We drove to the gas station and he turned the radio up even louder, pumping gas while singing "Fall in Love". Then drove back to moms smiling from ear to ear. It was maybe ten, fifteen minutes out of my life. It was him in his element, new car, someone to show it to, summer air, and country music. And one of the million reasons why I miss him in June.

If you would like to listen to the song please go to the top of my blog and pause the music player.


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