Where I am right now

Foster care is hard sometimes. Falling more and more in love can be terrifying. All I want to know is that my foster child will always be safe and that her bed will never be empty, but I can't know the future. I just have to trust the one who does. "God isn't trying to make our lives easier, He's trying to make them more meaningful." #fosteryourheartout #fosterlove #fostermom

What a day

Yesterday we had to hand our babies to a stranger. It was not easy! Baby A had this worried look on her face the whole time. We pulled up bedside their truck in a local parking lot to make the transfer and even though I had tried to explain to little A what was going to happen I know her two year old mind simply didn't understand. I asked her if she would like to ride with them in their truck with baby J and she whispered yes but her brow was scrunched up and I could tell she was trying to figure out what was going on. We moved all the babies things out of my car and  into their truck then strapped her car seat in first and put her inside.. She just sat there clutching both her and her brothers teddy bears and watching my every move out of the truck window. Baby J was sleeping so I woke him up out of his sleep and gave him a great big snuggle. I'm going to miss him so much. Then I handed him to his new mom and got his car seat out as well. They strapped him in and stood and talked for a few minutes then we went our separate ways. I saw her still watching me from the back seat still hanging on to that teddy bear. All I can do is pray that God goes with them.

The sorrow of giving them back wasn't the only emotion we were feeling that day. We also had gotten a call from our agency about an hour before they left asking if we would be willing to take a placement for a newborn baby girl still in the hospital. Of course we said yes! We were excited and sad all in the same day. This is fostercare. As quickly as one child leaves the bed is needed for another. So many broken lives need touched.

Our babies

Where do I begin? A lot has happened since my last post. The foster process proceeded rather quickly and we are once again fostering! We turned down several placement calls at first,  then we received a call for two babies ages one and two and we said YES!!!

Life has been crazy busy! The babies have been here about two months. Some moments are hard but every moment is worth it. We have  already fallen in love with them. Fostering though is such a roller coaster and it looks like they may leave as suddenly as they came. There is a meeting this evening to determine if they will be moved to a relative placement back in their county or if they will stay here. We are trusting that God knows what's best and for his will to be done but at the same time we would love for them to stay with us! It's going to be hard if they go guys. I've heard people say they aren't sure if they could love another persons child but let me tell you this, you can! These precious little babies worked their way into our home and hearts and we will never be the same because of it. I'm so thankful we chose this journey and for now I will hold on to the fact that God knows their future. 

                                  

Life right now

Yesterday the kids school took place in regional competition! This is where schools meet together to compete against each other in multiple areas. Alex decided to compete in macro photography this year and they both competed in the schools choir. Looking forward to hearing what the final say of the judges were!! Between a two hour drive there yesterday, spending time with the hubby, doing my schoolwork (have I mentioned I went back to school?! Liberty Law!) all while being sick I am beat! Today and tomorrow I work and then foster care support group tomorrow evening...it's been a busy week! Oh and did I mention it's also finals week for me? Wouldn't have it any other way. Loving my family and thankful for his blessings!

Moving forward

My hubby and I have been taking the nessesary steps to open our home back up to fostercare. This past Wednesday we had our first homevisit together where our social worker came and discussed what we need to do to get the hubby licensed and children placed with us. I am still currently licensed so it actually looks like it's going to be a quick process this time around. Looking forward to taking placements again! Yesterday I went ahead and updated my Facebook to announce that we will be fostering and of course was met with the typical responses. As soon as I had hit "post" my inbox had messages in it asking why we don't want to have children of our own together. Which we do! People just don't get it.

Until God says stop

I never intended to foster. It wasn't in my plans. But somehow what started out as wanting to adopt turned into me one day taking that first phone call from CPS. They asked if I would take a little three year old girl, there was no other info other than she needed a home. So I said yes. It was 8:00 that night in January 2014 when they showed up on my door and I first became a foster mom. Two years later (after telling my husband all my foster stories and a recent phone call from my agency asking if I would consider adopting a baby) here I am again. My husband and I have decided to open our home back up to foster. I'm still licensed so it will be a quick process of just getting him some certifications and training and then I will once again be a foster mom. I couldn't be more excited!! Our lives sometimes go different paths than we originally plan. And it's perfect. So here we go again!! Until God says stop.

Where I stand with foster care

Foster care is still big on my heart. I did end up getting re-licensed as a single parent but didn't end up taking any long term placements. I ended up just doing a few respite placements instead. Which is still very important! Foster families need a break now and then! 

My kids both still love fostering as well and had a blast with these respite placements as they were all three a little older (between the ages of four and six). Right now we are once again not taking any placements due to the fact that I just got married and he is not yet licensed. But this is definitely something we are thinking about doing as a couple so I will keep you updated!!

I am so thankful for the days of fostering that I have had and one day soon hope to be doing it again. But no matter where I am in life I am choosing to enjoy every moment. Trying to take this time and enjoy more moments with my kids. They grow so fast! We are also hoping to add a new little baby to our lives one day soon.

We have dreams, we all do. But never forget to look at where you are, breathe, and Simply Live!

His promises are true

"God your God, will restore everything you lost; he'll have compassion on you; he'll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered." - Deuteronomy 30:3
That verse has been my prayer over my life for the past two and a half years, ever since my ex walked out and my life took a different path. I figured it's now time to update you guys on life, love and His promises! Life certainly doesn't always go as planned, it will throw us curve balls when we're least expecting it. But there is one thing that is always the same. His name is Jesus!
I would say 2014 was definitely one of those years in my life that didn't go as expected. My ex randomly came home one day and told me that the Christian, foster parent, church life he had been living was a lie and that he was actually an alcoholic, hated church, hated God, smoked, did drugs, etc. He began drinking even more after that day. I guess since he wasn't hiding it anymore he felt like he could openly display his lifestyle to me. He was coming home drunk and going to church the same way. I was fostering baby S at the time and was terrified as to whether or not I should contact my agency and inform them about what was going on. A few weeks later he became suicidal and began cutting as well. It was a live my nightmare being home with him. To make a long story ( that I really don't want to dwell on) short, he ended up being admitted in the hospital and upon discharge told me he wasn't coming home. Looking back now I can see how much I have changed. God knew what was best all along! I learned so much by becoming a single mom. I become bolder, more determined to prosper in life, I also learned who my real friends were. And most of all I learned to really depend on God.
And now for the part about how his promises are true! The Bible says that God is faithful to restore things in our lives that were lost. There may be times in our lives where it looks like the enemy is winning, but he isn't! God is in control of all things, and believe me when I say He knows what He is doing!! He works all things for good. I have seen it first hand in my life. When I began my life as a single parent He was right there. He provided everything I needed and even gave me some unexpected blessings. I wanted to share three of these great blessing with you guys!
1) He gave me a great job!!! I work as a private nanny and only have to work two days a week while making more than I was making by working everyday at a daycare. This means more time home with my family.
2) We found a great school for the kids! They go to a small private school with awesome teachers, great friends, and a great curriculum.
3) ( I saved the best for last) He sent me someone! Someone who loves me, loves God, protects me and the kids and is all together amazing! One of the things I love the most? He is GREAT with the kids. They love him so much which means the world to me. The best part is he asked me to be his wife and I said yes!!!!!!!!!

Officially Mrs. Rachel Brown!

This is just a small snapshot of His goodness and mercy in my life. I plan to get back on here and blog more often. I have so much more to share!
God Bless,
Rachel Brown

Saying goodbye to baby number three

Well this post is long overdue but thought I would give you the update anyways.

Baby S was with us from August until right before Christmas. Then she was able to be reunited with her family. Because of some situations that were going on in our family at the time, I feel like I had gotten even more attached to this little baby. She had started to walk and was beginning to say her first words, Mama and bye... This little girl lit up our life. It was hard to let her go, but I drove her to her home, handed to her mom, helped unload all her things, then kissed that baby girl goodbye. I don't know if I will ever see her again, but I do know God sees her every moment.

 Fostering is definitely challenging and heartbreaking, but it is so, so, very rewarding. It is worth every heartache. Baby S will always be remembered in our home.  I pray that God goes with her, that he blesses and keeps her and one day leads her heart to his. 

Hello Again

It's been a long time. And so much has changed. I don't even know where to start.

Not long after my last post my life as I knew it fell apart. I thought everything was so perfect. My family made a great looking blog, a great looking Facebook page. We went to church, homeschooled two adorable kids, and on top of it all we were saving the world by also being foster parents. But when you look at yourself and think your doing pretty darn good..God has away of showing you that your so very human and so far from perfect.

Today I'm living in a different home then I was eight months ago, and my husband lives somewhere else. The stress of everything has made this homeschool year very difficult to do. My kids are acting out and "the calling" of foster care that God put in my heart for so long, is no longer happening. I closed our home after the last baby left (I will share more about it in another blog post). Funny how quickly life can change.

James 4:14
Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.

I don't know if anyone still reads this blog but I plan on getting back on the horse and starting to write here again. Telling my story. If for nothing else then for me to look back one day and be able to say "See what God has done". Today is my ten year wedding anniversary. Last night my husband told me again that it's over.

I don't know where my life is going to go from here. But I do know it's time to get it back in order. And it's time to start this blog back up! This blog started out about homeschooling, then about wanting to adopt, then it was about becoming foster parents..and now I guess I would say this blog is about life. It's the always changing, never predicted, roller coaster ride called life.

Fostering Again

Wow! I have really neglected this blog lately. We have been busy here with a new placement. Once again we have a baby girl. This is strictly foster and it has already been determined that she will go home. Probably sometime close to November. This case has been a little more frustrating. I haven't really made that great connection with the birth parents like I did with baby A yet. And don't feel as happy with the idea of reunification. Probably in part because of that lack of connection. Hopefully by November I will feel more at peace with it. On a plus side, when it comes to just the idea of fostering again I feel less nervous this time around. I guess I am beginning to feel a little more experienced. I have learned that no two cases are alike and have gotten used to that. I guess the best way to put it is I'm getting used to the surprises. Lol. 

On another note we have also started school back up as of yesterday! One in second grade and one in fourth grade. I feel so old!I haven't been able to get school pictures done for this school year quite yet. Hopefully in the next few days. I will be sure to post some here! Thanks so much for all of you that are still keeping up with this blog. I have to admit it's been slow lately. But fall is coming. Being cooped up inside tends to allow more time for blogging. :)

We Miss Her

Monday we had to give our sweet baby girl back. Foster Care can be soo unpredictable. She wasn't supossed to leave until today. But Monday morning I got a call saying surprise, she's leaving now. I called my hubby and he managed to make it home to say goodbye to our daughter of five months.

I'm not going to lie. It was hard telling her goodbye. Her mom is great and I feel baby will be well taken care of. But my heart when I handed that precious little girl back to her....

Sometimes life brings you to these hard moments. We do everything in our power to avoid pain in life but this time we brought it on ourselves. I'm sure some would say were crazy. Why would you do that to yourself? BUT what if no one was ever willing to hurt for one another? What if God wasn't willing to hurt for us? I will miss that little girl. But I know He will help us. I have felt His peace carrying me through. That's how I know I can do this. Loving and giving back.

It hurts. But we did it. We loved her when she needed us. We gave her snuggles and bedtime kisses.  And hopefully touched her life. Now God goes with her.

Goodbye's Coming

In my last post I had mentioned that our Baby girl's court date was coming up where we would hear which way her case was heading. Well court came and went and we now know that our little sweetie will be going home soon. Right now it's looking like she will leave next week.

So many emotions go with this.

I am really sincerely happy for her mom.
I think it's awesome how well she did and how determined she was to get her beautiful baby back.

At the same time we will miss her here. But God is good. He gives us peace.

All these kids, they are God's anyways. We can only give them to Him and trust that no matter where our children go He goes with them. And He will be good to them.

Baby girl will have been with us for close to 5 months. When people considering foster care read stuff like this it scares them away. They think " I couldn't do that".

I honestly thought the same thing.

 But now that I'm here I realize that when you step out to do Gods will in your life no matter what it is, even if it looks to hard for you, He will be everything you need.

He will be your strength.
Your comfort.
Your hope.

 I don't feel stressed or anxious about her leaving. I feel peace. I can do this! I can foster and say goodbye. Because of Him.

We are going to miss all the little things about her. Her laugh, smiles, things laying all around the house...but we will keep moving forward taking care of these precious kids. Even if there is heartbreak.

Life Lately

I'm sorry. It's been forever. We are still fostering Baby Girl. And I'm pretty sure she is getting more adorable every day. Her court date is coming up soon and I am sooo ready to have an idea of which way her case is going.

The joys of fostering.

You never know whats up ahead.

 Like a few days ago when  we went to a friends house for pizza and ended up coming home with a baby! Yep, we got the call on the way to their house ( after we had already picked up the pizza) asking us if we would do respite for a 6 month old baby girl. We said yes. They dropped her off to us on our friends porch at 9:30 that night. She actually just went back to her foster family this morning. It was an interesting few days!

  Lots of bottles, diapers, and giggles. A four month old and a six month old..... Fun, but I am relieved to be back to just one baby!

What can I say?

Sometimes I just don't know what to pray for in the life of this little girl. If it is His will we would love to have her stay a part of our lives. We are attached to her and could totally picture her in our family. At the same time I don't want her parents to fail at getting her back. I want them to be restored. For God to work in their lives. I'm learning that foster care can leave you feeling heartbroken. One side has to say goodbye.

But we can pray. 

God knows.

He is amazing. 

He has good for her.

image found here

The Song of Foster Care

Two posts in one day! I'm on a roll! I actually just wanted to share something I came across the other day. If there is any song that describes the heart of foster care it's this one. So worth listening to. It's absolutely beautiful. Please pause the music bar at the top of my page before listening to the video.

Time for an Update

We get asked on about a weekly basis if we know how long we will have Baby with us. So I figured our blog friends are probably wondering the same thing. Basically her case is a foster case so the goal is to reunify her with her parents. At the same time it sounds like Baby has an awesome judge who tries as best as he can to move things along quickly. Next month is the next court date where we should hear if they plan to continue along to reunification. We are loving being foster parents and pray that God's will be done in Baby's life. If she gets to go home we will be happy for her and her parents but will miss her. And if she stays we will be happy to get the chance to be her family but will be sad for all her parents lost. Fostering is definitely a roller coaster of emotions. I'm so glad that God lead us here though. I would have never had imagined that one day hubby and I would be foster parents!! We all make our plans of what we want to do in life, who we want to be. But just remember to follow after Him. His plans are so much better.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

Schools Out!!

Woohoo!! I thought it would never happen! But it's true. The kids are out on summer break!

We managed to do another year of homeschooling even while taking two foster placements!

 I can't tell you how good that feels.

Right now I'm working on finishing up the portfolios and running baby to visits. She has also recently been doing some therapist visits and has started teething! Busy girl! Soccer is just about over for the season and hopefully our weekends will slow down here. I'm really hoping to get some geocaching and other fun family activities in! So far I am loving the warm weather here. The Sunday before Memorial Day our church had a big picnic on the church lawn. It was just perfect. I'm a summer girl at heart and after a very long winter it was so nice to be outside enjoying a cookout. Looking forward to many more!

Oh how I love summer days!!

Life and Portfolio's

Wow life has been busy around here lately. We have soccer three days a week, church, homeschool, hanging out with friends and a new baby around who requires multiple visitations a week...... It leaves little time for blogging. I haven't forgotten about you, really! There is hope though. Summer break is almost here! Ah the time out from homeschooling!

Speaking of homeschooling....it's time for me to get on the ball with my homeschool portfolio's. This is my second year of doing them and I still don't really have an organized system. I started out at the beginning of the year doing great. I kept putting things in the binder each week. But I quit around October. Yep I haven't put anything in it since then and haven't even started going through everything. If anyone has any portfolio tips at all feel free to share! I could use the help for sure.

And because every blog post needs a cute picture....

Warm weather love. ❤

Dandelions and Birth Moms

One part of the foster care life that I have been a little nervous about is meeting the bio relatives. In my mind I have always pictured it as a scary event. I was uncertain what I would say or do.

I'm not a very good talker in awkward situations. I get nervous and stubble over my words and all that fun stuff...while I have gotten better about it I was not looking forward to the day that I meet the bio's. But recently at one of our foster daughters visitations I was asked right before walking in if I would like to meet some of the family. They were inside and wanted to meet me.

 So I said yes.

I said yes!!

 And it wasn't bad at all. They seemed very nice and I'm glad that I got the chance to say hi. They didn't share my name, just said that I was foster mom. We just said the typical nice to meet you's and they thanked me for taking care of Baby. I feel relieved to know a big scary part in my mind is over and wasn't scary at all.

 In this case anyways...there's always next Foster's bio's. They could be scary.

But for now I feel like "I've got this" about the whole foster thing. Ever part is scary the first time. The first class, the first placement, the first visit and so on. But with God's help we are doing it.

 We are fostering and loving it!

As for the dandelions. We have been enjoying some beautiful weather and making lots of wishes.....